so that wasnt chicken after all
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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