erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
