M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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