He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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