i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
