do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's official drugs can't kill me
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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