I think im going to throw up on grandma
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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