is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
