OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
