he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
