just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
