Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize