a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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