Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
