I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She announced her abortion via fbk
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
