In the future we'll all be gay
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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