yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
