Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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