hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
