peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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