i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
