I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
no you cant smoke seaweed
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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