we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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