she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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