I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
birth control should be required to get into college
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize