What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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