I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
