lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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