I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
