i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Your cock deserves a montage
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
