Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
