my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
