i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
