Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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