I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I need moral support for this bender
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
