Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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