He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize