why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
