Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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