Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
