I want to stick my p in your. b.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
this hospital has no fireball
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
