I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
