it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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