I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
