so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
