so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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