Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
