Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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