Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
