Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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