I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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