yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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