I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
