I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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