$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize