is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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