even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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