He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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