so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
