I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
