Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
