how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
