Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize