He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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