thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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