Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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