dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
