i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
