she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
