I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
